ST. PAUL, MN – In a move that surprised absolutely no one who’s ever watched his show, disgraced former CNN host Don Lemon found himself in federal court today, facing charges under laws originally designed to take down the KKK. But instead of hooded robes and burning crosses, Lemon’s alleged weapon of choice? A smartphone and a gaggle of rowdy protesters who decided Sunday service was the perfect time for an impromptu “immigration reform” flash mob.
According to totally unbiased sources, Lemon stormed into Cities Church like a one-man apocalypse, livestreaming the chaos as activists allegedly terrorized wide-eyed children mid-prayer. “Our Father who art in heaven—wait, what’s that guy with the camera doing?” one traumatized toddler reportedly whimpered, before being subjected to a barrage of anti-ICE chants and interpretive dance. Lemon, ever the “journalist,” insisted he was just there to “shine a light on truth,” but critics say he was more like a spotlight on stupidity, blinding everyone to the fact that churches aren’t debate stages.
“Look, I’m not saying Don Lemon is dumber than a bag of hammers,” said one anonymous congregant, “but if hammers started invading preschools during naptime, we’d charge them too.” Lemon pleaded not guilty, vowing to fight the charges with the same vigor he once used to fact-check his own hairline. Meanwhile, the Trump administration hailed the prosecution as a win for “sacred spaces and common sense,” proving once again that even in 2026, some people still think disrupting prayers is a bright idea.
Reported by Hugh Janus, TDS News
